I am feeling a little less sick to my stomach now. I took 1/2 a Xanax and spent some time in the sun. Can’t believe how hot the sun is today. Makes me believe that summer is really coming.
I really want to figure out how to be supportive without being smothering or controlling. Why do I internalize everything that he is going through and make it my own pain? Co-dependency?
God grant me the strength to be supportive without trying to control. God show me how to manage my own stress without making myself sick in the process.
I just want him to feel better, but I can’t make him feel better. It’s so hard sitting here watching him disappear day by day. Even on our so-called normal days, I know it’s just a veneer slapped over the problems. I don’t know how to make it better.
I think I have done all I can, and maybe I done too much. I don’t want him to resent me.
Some days this mask I wear to get me through my days is such a heavy burden.
I suppose all I can do is keep muddling through. I take care of our children and try to keep the house clean. I go to work. What else can I do? Should I start leaving him alone? I’m afraid to leave him alone. I don’t know why, but I am. Should I start getting out of here more often? What exactly do I think is going to happen if I’m not here?
Suggestions?
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